LOW SELF ESTEEM

As human beings, we have the exceptional ability to place a value to ourselves. Self-esteem is the term which refers to the value or worth that we place on ourselves. Self esteem ranges from very poor or very low to very high, with varying degrees in between. Both extremes of the spectrum are bad.

High self esteem as the name indicates is placing a very high value on oneself, thereby perceiving oneself to be better than others. Such people tend to become self centered, conceited and egotistic and given time, develop a huge superiority complex.

 Low self-esteem is placing a general negative value on oneself. This usually occurs when there are unfavorable comparison with others- I am not as pretty, I am not as wealthy, I am not as intelligent , I am not as talented and so on……. Such people lose sight of the value of their own individuality and develop feelings of inadequacies or inferiority complexes.  Everyone suffers from low self esteem at times, usually when facing undue stress or challenging situations. However when an individual constantly suffers from low self esteem, it becomes an enduring personality trait which could give rise to many problems.

 Low self-esteem can impact a person’s performance at school, college, work place and interpersonal relationships. People with low self esteem consistently achieve less than they are able to, because they believe they are less capable than others. They refuse to take up challenges due to fear of under performing. They find it difficult to have Interpersonal relationships due to their inability to handle criticism, inability to relate with people due to shyness/ self consciousness and in extreme cases withdrawing from any kind of intimacy or social contact.

Our esteem generally develops from our childhood experiences (severe punishments, regular abuse at home or school, falling short of standards set by parents /friends/peer group, getting blamed for other people’s troubles, absence of an atmosphere of warmth and affection at home, absence of praise even when deserving or being a square peg in a round hole, at home or at school.

One  event or person cannot determine  one’s level of self-esteem; it does not happen instantaneously; it develops over a period of time.

Sometimes negative beliefs about oneself are also caused by experiences later in life, such as challenges at workplace, abusive relationships, high levels of stress or traumatic events.

 Now if we look at the Word of God –

The Bible tells us that all Christians are valuable to God.  God loves us simply for who we are. Author Philip Yancey writes, “There is nothing we can do to make God love us more, and nothing we can do to make God love us less.” God loves us as a Father. We are His special, unique creation, whose purpose is to live in close fellowship with Him.

 Song of Solomon 4:7 says

You are altogether beautiful, my love; there is no flaw in you.

Psalm 139:14 says

I praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made. Wonderful are your works; my soul knows it very well.

1 John 3:1 says

See what kind of love the Father has given to us, that we should be called children of God; and so we are. The reason why the world does not know us is that it did not know him.

1 Peter 2:9 says

But you are a chosen race, a royal priesthood, a holy nation, a people for his own possession, that you may proclaim the Excellencies of him who called you out of darkness into his marvelous light.

 I wonder if you have noticed how people with poor self esteem conduct themselves. I know because I have been one of them many many years ago- Drooping shoulders, eyes to the ground, inability to meet people’s eyes while having a conversation, shyness, withdrawing into a shell or a cocoon at social gatherings, horror of meeting new people and so on……..

 The Bible tells us that we are a royal priesthood and that we are the children of the most High God. And we cannot dispute that. We have royal blood flowing within us. We are his ambassadors on earth and we need to move around with that confidence. Can you imagine a king or a queen of a country moving around with drooping shoulders? (What an incredibly funny sight that would be!!!)  Or with their eyes fixed on the ground?

Oh No  No……….. They would move around with the quiet confidence born out of the knowledge that they have royal blood flowing through their veins from many generations. And this, irrespective of whether they were richer than or more intelligent than or more beautiful than  other people  in that country.

How much more then should this attitude hold true for us as ambassadors of the most High God?

 Fortunately, low self-esteem isn’t something we cannot overcome and reverse. There are enough scriptures in the Bible to help us through.  It takes time, but we can surely change the way in which we perceive ourselves without becoming proud, mean, selfish or self-absorbed.  And then, what we achieve is a healthy or wholesome self esteem.

 Wholesome or healthy self-esteem is the assurance that one is as good as anyone else, but not more so. Humility is a key factor here.

Healthy self-esteem allows people to be levelheaded, reasonable, and pragmatic about goals, accept criticism, learn from mistakes rather than viewing them negatively and take up challenges

 We may not be as beautiful, wealthy, talented or intelligent as our friends, relatives or neighbors. Occasionally someone may say or do something to us that could make us feel guilty or angry. The correction could have been made either in love or spite. Whatever the circumstances, we need to respond in the right way and not let the feelings of negativity seep into our mind. We need to barricade our mind with encouraging scriptures from the Word of God.

 I would like to close with a quote which is one of my favorites- “Know that the best possible you may not be as successful as your neighbor but that is OK. The best you may not be as thin as your sister, but that is fine. The best possible you may not be as talented or dynamic or as outgoing as your colleague but that’s alright too. Be comfortable with the person God made you. You can’t get distracted and lose your focus by comparing yourself to others. We all need to run our own race.”