CONTROLLING FEELINGS AND EMOTIONS

While both these terms are used interchangeably there is a difference between them. Feelings are what we experience with our 5 senses (sight, smell, touch, hearing and taste) while Emotions are how we feel about a situation (anger, hurt, jealousy, envy, irritation etc).

  Being a great stickler for punctuality, when I observed my daily help getting to work later and later each day, I lost my temper and lashed out. However the relief that I momentarily felt when I had given vent to my feelings, soon turned to regret as she became upset and the whole episode snowballed into a mini crisis.

 You must have observed that sometimes when drivers have been cut off in traffic, they feel they have been terribly wronged. They begin shouting at the other driver, chasing and cutting them off, often with fatal results.

 Or take the case of Impulse purchasing, which is an unplanned decision to buy a product or service. Emotions and feelings play a decisive role in this kind of purchasing which is triggered by seeing the product or listening to advertisements. Companies capitalize on these emotions which encourage people to splurge on products which they may not even need or have budgeted for.

 These are all examples of what typically happen when we let our emotions or feelings control us.

 At such times we tend to act without thinking or caring about the fallout. While such behavior leads to instant gratification, it proves harmful in the long run.

 We may momentarily feel good when we retaliate in a moment of irritation, but that may damage a relationship.

We may choose to watch television over exercising because that makes us feel good, but that will harm our body.

Some parents thrash their children in a fit of anger when they do something wrong and feel good that they have disciplined them. But such abuse will damage the psyche of the child.

 God gave us emotions but he never intended for our emotions to rule over us. We all experience feelings like anger, grief, happiness, joy and envy. However, the Bible never refers to experiencing emotions as sin; for eg:

Ephesians 4: 26, 27 – amplified- When angry, do not sin; do not ever let your wrath (your exasperation, your fury or indignation) last until the sun goes down.

27 Leave no [such] room or foothold for the devil [give no opportunity to him].

which implies that it is one’s reaction to anger that has the potential to be sinful, not the anger itself.

Emotions or feelings are directly linked to our thoughts and if we let them control us rather than the other way round; we are leaving ourselves wide open to an attack by the enemy.

 It is therefore important to learn to respond rather than react to situations.

 Reactions are always instinctive and uncontrolled whereas responses are always reasonable and self controlled.

 Scriptures encourage us to have self control –

Proverbs 25:28 tells us that a man without self-control is like a city broken into and left without walls.

In 1 Corinthians 9: 27, Paul says- But I discipline my body and bring it into subjection, lest, when I have preached to others, I myself should become disqualified.

 For me keeping self under control could be in something as simple as choosing to snack on carrot sticks instead of potato chips. Or choosing to take the  stairs to my office daily instead of the lift.

Or could be something more difficult like choosing to remain silent when I feel like retaliating; choosing to forgive someone, I do not feel like forgiving.

While these are not happy choices for me, they are definitely wise choices.

If we always react based on feelings, it could lead to devastating consequences in areas of our social life, relationships, jobs and finances. It will cloud our judgment and lead to bad choices which will eventually ruin our life. Someone rightly said “do not make promises when you are happy or take decisions when you are angry. You will regret them at leisure”

 To think before acting, show restraint in the face of temptation, and control aggression, irritation etc is difficult and we cannot do anything in our own strength. But His grace is more than sufficient for us.

2 Titus 11-12 – The amplified version says-

 For the grace of God has appeared that offers salvation to all people. 12 It teaches us to say “No” to ungodliness and worldly passions, and to live self-controlled, upright and godly lives in this present age.

 I would like to close with a quote by Oscar Wilde

 “I don’t want to be at the mercy of my emotions. I want to use them, to enjoy them, and to dominate them.”