Wednesday, 29 March 2017

Dealing with offenses


Offense is defined as: resentment brought about by a perceived insult.
Nowadays, tolerance levels have dipped dangerously, People take offense for the slightest of reasons.  Your Instagram post could upset someone, your tweet could create controversies.  Overtaking someone on the road, liking or not liking someone’s social media posts, forgetting birthdays, anniversaries, etc can snowball into major issues. Your speech may offend someone; your silence may offend someone. The list goes on.  
The word ‘offence’ is derived from the Greek word ‘skandalon’, which refers to the trigger/bait of a trap. Once baited, the victim would totally be under the control of the trapper.
Offence is a bait that Satan uses to entrap believers. Once trapped, he can easily manipulate us into emotions like anger, bitterness or hurt. Satan’s aim is division and his strategy is offense.
Jesus said, “It is impossible but that offences will come: (Luke 17:1). So, the question is not   whether we have opportunities to be offended, but how we respond to them. 
Offenses can be likened to needles which prick us. Needle pricks are not pleasant; they hurt.  And its worse, if you allow the needle to remain inside of you. But there are people who allow needles to enter and stay inside of them and remain offended for ages.  That’s not a happy state to be in.

We all have different degrees of resistance to offenses and based on this we can categorize people (this is just for illustrative purposes) 
1.     Balloons- One prick with a needle and pop it goes.  This typifies people who always get offended, no matter what you say or do. You could say that they are searching for reasons to get offended.

2.     A cotton ball- It is easy to stick a needle into a ball of cotton. It may not go pop like a balloon, it’s somewhat better than a balloon. This represents people who get offended, frequently.

People falling into these two categories generally have poor self- esteem, they are not comfortable with who they are, which causes them to take offense at the slightest provocation.

3.     Soft rubber ball- a needle can go through with a little bit of effort, not too easily though. These are people who get offended, sometimes.

4.     Hard rubber ball- Sticking a needle into a hard rubber ball is not easy.  It may or may not go through depending on the force you apply. These people are rarely offended.

5.     The season ball- It is impossible for a needle to ever go through a season ball. This typifies a person who never get offended, regardless of the level of provocation.

People falling into categories 4 and 5 are generally well adjusted, content with who they are, so what others speak or think about them doesn’t affect them.
Regardless of the category we fall into now, our aim should be to move to Category 5. How can we do that? 3 points ….

1.     Remember the Cross: We serve a God who did not get offended though He had every right to get offended. He was stripped, whipped, flogged and nailed to the cross on our behalf. The Creator Himself was crucified by His Creation but He chose to forgive his torturers. There is absolutely nothing that we have to face today, which is greater than what Jesus faced. Let us be encouraged by his example of dealing with offenses and no matter what the provocation, make a conscious decision to not get offended.

2.     Know your worth- Too often, we allow the words or actions of others to define who we are. The reason why so many of us battle poor self-esteem is that we become too dependent on opinions of others. Offenses will always come, because people have this enormous propensity to be careless with their words.  But we need to realize that our worth is not determined by what others say or think about us. Rather it is determined by the price that was paid  for purchasing us. For e.g. I have a bottle of Chanel. I know its value because it burned a hole in my pocket. So, even if someone says that it is worthless, I would just think - Not true. Similarly, Jesus paid a very high price to purchase us, and our value is determined by that.  If someone says something to the contrary, we should think – Not true and let the comment pass.

3.     Lower your expectations- In relationships there are expectations and this is especially true in marriages. Expectations from spouses, children, parents, bosses may not always realistic and so may remain unfulfilled. And when people don’t live up to our expectations, there’s a chance that we will get offended. The difference between what we expect and what we get determines how offended we become. Greater the difference, greater the offense. Simply put- 0 expectation= 0 chance of getting offended. Therefore, let our expectation be only from God, not from people.


I would like to close with a quote “To be offended is a choice we make; it is not a condition inflicted or imposed upon us by someone or something”.